Navigating a New Life in Paris: The Challenges
A glimpse of the more challenging aspects of our recent move.
Last week I documented some of the joyful moments we’ve experienced in Paris as we navigate our new life here. In today’s post, I’m going to shift my focus and write about the more challenging aspects of our transition. Over the past month I’ve quickly jotted down daily obstacles as we faced them, and now, as I sit here reflecting on the bullet list of challenges, I’m reminded just how temporary some of these are.
The jet lag, which completely plagued our first days, has now subsided. The everyday routines are slowly being established. The construction in our building has (at least temporarily) come to a pause. On the other hand, some of our struggles will continue. We will always miss our community in Austin, and the comfort of the home we’ve created over the years. Yes…this change is uncomfortable, but I’m increasingly confident in my knowing that our life here will be beautiful.
As I mentioned in my previous post, this transition would be significantly more challenging if this was our first time moving to Paris. With my husband being a native Parisian, and I myself having lived nearly three years in the city, and more specifically in the neighborhood we’re living in now, we are very familiar with the lifestyle here.
That being said, there are inevitably challenges that arise with any move, especially an international one, and even more so when you add kids into the equation. While moving to Paris may seem like a dream (and in many ways, it is), I also believe it’s important to shed light on the more difficult experiences. From the outside looking in, life is seemingly composed of aesthetic lattes and croissants, strolling the streets of Paris with a baguette in hand. And while these moments are “real life” there’s also much more happening behind the curtain of the everyday. So, to give you an idea of the less “instagrammable” moments of an international move, here is a glimpse of the challenges we’ve experienced over the past month:
Jet lag
The first few days of a move are always the hardest, and the jet lag definitely did not make it easier on us. I know we all experience varying degrees of jet lag when traveling, but man…this time just hit different! Between our four-year-old and ten- month-old, we didn’t sleep at a normal hour for days, with the little ones falling asleep past 2am some nights. The long nights obviously made the days feel longer too, which was challenging when there were so many things that needed to be done.
Navigating our daughter’s transition
As we continue to help our daughter navigate this move, I plan to write a post about this topic, as this has, without a doubt, been the most challenging and saddening part of our journey so far. It goes without saying that upheaval and change can affect little ones, and in hindsight, my husband and I agree that the timing of our move was potentially the worst we could’ve chosen for our daughter. Our four-year-old is one of the most spirited souls I’ve ever met. She thrives when she is around others and is also extremely high energy, so she feels her best when she has the structure and socialization of school.
With our move taking place in mid-June, just after school released for summer, she was already struggling being away from her friends, teachers and daily routine. Once we arrived in Paris it was obvious she wasn’t at her best (again, taking into consideration my point above re: jet lag). Over the past few weeks there’s been more than a few tantrums and episodes of acting out. She’s missing my family who were an active part of her daily life. She’s missing playing soccer with our neighbor. She’s missing her teachers and friends. Overall, she’s missing her familiarity and also some of her freedom, like running around the house without worrying about disturbing our neighbors below us.
Aside from the challenging transition from house living to apartment living (more on that below), she’s also struggling with the everyday walking. In Austin, we went everywhere in the car, and here, you walk pretty much everywhere. While my husband and I are loving it, the part we’re loving way less is having to battle her dislike of using her two feet! Every time we leave the apartment, we’re prompted with questions like “how far away are we going,” and the “are we there yet” and “how much longer” along the way. This is a pretty big lifestyle change, especially for a four-year-old, but we know that in time she will adjust to this way of getting around.
Our current focus for our daughter is to help her establish normalcy, comfort, and routine here, which is already a challenge for kids (and us parents) during summer, even when you haven’t moved to another country. We were lucky to find a two-week long summer camp that just so happened to take place where she will begin attending school in September. Now, with the camp coming to an end, and Paris entering full Olympics mode, we’re back to the drawing board on how to keep her entertained, happy and comfortable until school begins. We fully expect this next month to be somewhat difficult. While many locals are escaping the city for the duration of the Olympics, including majority of our family members, we plan to stay and continue to get settled. Although I’m not sure how much “settling” will take place. August plans: to be determined!
The transition from house to apartment
One challenge we anticipated was transitioning from a 3-bedroom house, with a yard, to a 2-bedroom apartment. While we’re enjoying some of the benefits, like less maintenance, we’re also experiencing some difficulties surrounding apartment living, especially with little ones. Our daughter was previously accustomed to a more independent way of living, from stepping out of the backdoor to play soccer, to running about the house as she pleased. Here, we’re consistently having to remind her to use her inside voice and to stop jumping. Overall, we’re having to be significantly more aware of our habits.
Our living environment is also our work environment. Even though I’m not planning on (formally) resuming work until September, Leo is currently working from home, and according to US work hours. While he had a separate office in Austin, his work space is now a small desk in our living room, which is quite the challenge when both kids are present during meetings!
Then there are the smaller inconveniences, like loading a stroller, bags, both kids and ourselves into our tiny French elevator. And finally, the lack of temperature control! In true American (and especially Texas) fashion, air conditioning was a way of life and I really struggle without it! Gone are the days of controlling the temperature to the degree inside of your house. That is, indeed, a convenience I will miss. With that being said, fortunately most days here are completely manageable without ac
Building construction
For the first two weeks there was construction on the floor directly above us, which is pretty typical in these Haussmannian apartments where there’s always work to be done or someone remodeling. Luckily, the work subsided relatively quickly, as the noise was causing nap time difficulties for the baby! We’re not totally out of the clear just yet, with a notice for work to resume in October. C’est la vie.
Paris life with kids
Between navigating transportation, to running errands and enjoying dinners out, it’s not a major revelation that Parisian living with kids is not the simplest way of life. Also, since my husband and I lived here together without children for several years, we’re aware of what life used to look like. However, as I mentioned in my last post, there’s simultaneously many amazing things about raising them in Paris, but the inconveniences of everyday living are none the less prevalent. The lack of childcare undoubtedly contributes to these challenges, so que the next point…
No childcare
Between needing to purchase things for the apartment, to my husband establishing a new work from home routine (with the kids in close proximity in the apartment), navigating this transition without dedicated childcare, in the midst of summer, has been difficult to say the least. We’re extremely lucky to have my in-laws and other family members here in Paris, however my in-laws both continue to work full time jobs, so their capacity is (understandably) limited. Even so, they’ve made our lives so much easier, from helping us with our apartment, to watching the kids for date nights.
Realistically we know we won’t have dedicated childcare until our daughter resumes school in September. Unlike in Austin, we plan to have support for our baby boy who’s nearly a year old. This will allow me to officially get back into work and also simply have some time for myself! We’re looking forward to more affordable and accessible childcare here in France.
Lack of routines
Since we’ve landed I’ve been craving to settle into a smooth rhythm, although I know this vision won’t be fully realized until after summer. The first week felt like total chaos, between battling jet lag, to trying to get somewhat settled in the apartment. Now, almost a month into our move, we at least have some loose structure to our days. We’ve established our go-to neighborhood spots for buying essentials, from an amazing cheese shop, to an organic grocery store. The kids are now on a normal sleeping schedule, with the baby taking (somewhat) consistent naps. And I’m now able to take advantage of those naps to do things like write this newsletter or attempt to re-establish some of my other practices like morning meditation and journaling. Our lives will continually to be partially settled for the next month or so, and therefore I’ll simply be doing my best to create structure and routine where possible.
Missing the comforts of “home”
The first night in our new apartment, I jokingly texted my mom that it felt like that time I was homesick at summer camp and wrote a letter that I wanted to come home! Those first few nights were, quite honestly, disorienting. We were away from our home, with almost all of our belongings remaining in Austin, and had just arrived in a new place that’s meant to be “home” now. I missed being back in our home, where my books lined the shelves in the living room, where my art hung on the walls, where we slept in the comfort of our own bed, where our daughter delighted in her arts and crafts station, and where everything simply had a place.
I know that comfort will be created in this apartment over time. Nearly a month in and we’re already feeling a bit more at home here. I will say…the fact that this apartment is furnished is making it a bit more difficult to feel fully at home, especially for someone like me who’s really sensitive to my environment. I find such joy in expressing myself through the space I call home. However, I am glad that we chose a furnished apartment for our first year here, because as you can see, we have enough on our plates as is!
Missing friends & family
While we fortunately have my husband’s family here, leaving behind my family and community of friends that we’ve fostered over the years has been one of the most difficult parts of our move. My family was a large part of our everyday life, especially our daughters, so we’re undoubtedly feeling their absence. The in-person hangouts are now FaceTime calls, and we’re already counting the days until their visit to Paris. I’m also missing my regular coffee dates and dinners with friends, and play dates with my kiddos and my friends’ little ones. I believe community is going to be an important factor of our happiness in Paris, so I’m excited (and anxious!) to begin growing our friend group and network here.
Over the past month, I’ve continually told myself this: Give yourself (and your family) some much-needed grace and know that one day…one day soon…majority of these current challenges will be distant memories. Your comfort will come again, your routines will be re-established, and your family will make a happy, full life here. In the moment it feels like so much, because if truly is, but I know that this discomfort is laying the groundwork for a beautiful new chapter.
As always, thanks so much for reading and following along,
I love connecting with readers! If you have any comments, questions or curiosities, I’d be happy to hear from you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out via DM, email, or leave a comment on today’s post. Also, if you’re not following along on Instagram, I’d love to connect with you there as well.
Know someone who may enjoy this post or newsletter? I’d so appreciate it if you’d share it with them:)
In case you missed it…
More posts on our move to Paris:
Thank you for sharing the reality of making such a significant change. We moved our family every few years for our work; albeit not the distance you have but certainly there are similarities regardless. Our kids always adjusted and we made a home wherever we went. They felt the impact more as they got older so that may be of some consolation. We only saw our family once or maybe twice a year sometimes but they remained incredibly close to us. We created incredible friendships in each new town; many of which we remain close to years later. They became our family, came to the kids recitals, birthdays etc. We hope you find solace in knowing it will get better with the acceptance that it will take time. For the hard days in between; eat the cheese, drink the wine and savour the bread😁.
I love that you’re sharing this! We also just made our second international move to Paris only a couple of weeks ago with two littles. And it’s exhausting to say the least. I hope you’re finding your groove here!