How to Create an Aligned Online Presence with Xanthe Appleyard
An (incredibly insightful) permission slip to show up how you truly desire.
I am very excited to share this incredibly insightful conversation with Online Leadership Strategist and Educator,
, who has been my personal go-to resource for all things content and community. From working with her one-on-one, to leveraging her amazing Notion templates, like her (free) content planner, and her Leisure Ethic Planner, she is essentially responsible for organizing my life.To be honest, I wanted to ask Xanthe these questions partially for selfish reasons, as I’ve struggled to find my footing in the online space—a struggle I know many of us experience, especially as multi-passionates or those who may find themselves in pivots or transitory seasons of life.
What I love most about Xanthe’s approach to content and community, is that creativity, freedom, and play are front and center. Yes…building an aligned online platform does require consistently showing up, but the way in which you do so is completely dependent on your values and desires.
I know I’ll be returning to this Q+A as a powerful permission slip whenever I’m feeling discouraged, unmotivated, or stuck—and I hope you will too!
I feel like we need to start with a dose of encouragement: For anyone feeling unsure whether it's even possible to build an aligned online presence they genuinely enjoy, what would you say?
First, I have so much compassion and understanding for the “shouting into a void” feeling, and I know when you’re pouring seemingly endless time and effort into creating and showing up, day in day out, but not receiving the feedback you crave, it can feel SO hard to keep pushing through. I’ll never deny the toll that online dynamics can take on us, and the very real frustration, and even rejection, that we feel when we’re in that cycle.
The most important thing for us to own, right off the hop, is that we WANT feedback. We WANT engagement. We WANT community. The sooner we admit that and release any shame we feel around it, the sooner we can start calling it in. My answer to “is it even possible?” is rooted in proof: yes, it’s possible. I adore showing up online. I hear from my clients all the time that they look forward to posting, opening their DMs, engaging in their online networks. It is possible, but it requires you to put aside all of the “rules” you’ve been fed and commit to ONLY creating in ways that feel really good for YOU.
Creating the kind of content you enjoy, having the conversations that light you up—when your online space becomes a creative outlet FIRST, it becomes the key not just to joy, but to GROWTH, too.
For those starting an audience from scratch (or dusting off an old page) where would you suggest they begin?
If you’re starting from scratch or just want to begin creating from a fresh slate, start with YOU. What’s really exciting to you right now? What content makes you feel inspired (maybe even a little jealous)? Follow those nudges and start forming a plan that allows you to show up in a way that feels ALIVE for whoever you are, right now. We get so stuck in the idea that our social strategy is a forever thing, but it’s not. The more we allow ourselves to evolve, the more our communities will stay invested in our journey, even when we change our minds or shift our businesses along the way.
That said, you’re not the only person who has to care about your content—your audience does, too. So once you’ve landed on what feels really exciting for you to show up with, you also need to do some digging into what’s relevant and supportive to your audience. In the overlap—what’s exciting to you and meaningful to them—is where you’ll find connection, engagement, and impact. It can feel really daunting to start from zero, so I always recommend just planning out your next 8 post ideas loosely.
Choose 8 things that feel really representative of how you want to be seen right now, and that are also going to meet your audience wherever they’re at in this season. Start there, and then keep that cycle ongoing. That’s how you stay in the process of evolution without ever feeling stuck in an identity that doesn’t quite fit.
How many platforms would you recommend people be active on? Is focusing on one platform enough?
Having a few spaces to connect with your community is strategically smart, just in case anything were to happen to one of the platforms you use, but that doesn’t mean you have to be going full-on, everywhere. You can strive for presence on multiple platforms, while still keeping one as your main focus (and typically we all "favor" one space so it's totally natural for majority of efforts to go towards it).
I recommend starting with that one–the space you feel most connected to and excited about–and turn it into your main hub where you promote everything you do. If you're running a business online, you should have a mailing list at bare minimum as well.
Side Note: Those two things should be separate, so even if Substack was your "hub," I'd recommend you have a marketing mailing list in a platform like Flodesk, for example.
Once you feel comfortable with that, and you know what your community enjoys receiving from you, use that information to start expanding. I'd recommend adding at least one more over the next 3-6 months, so that you have community in at least three places, but be super realistic about your capacity to show up as you add things in.
The biggest mistake I see people making is trying to start everything at once, posting multiple times a week everywhere, and then eventually… ghosting them all. This isn’t a quantity game if you’re in it for the long haul, so even if you’re only posting somewhere once a month just to keep the space active, it still counts.
What are some quick thoughtful tips for building a meaningful online community?
001. You don’t need to have all the answers. It can be just as powerful (and often even moreso!) to build community through curiosity, being honest when you’re unsure, and letting people see that you’re learning along the way.
002. Stop judging yourself in scales of “interesting enough” or “aesthetic enough.” People don’t want to see perfect. They want to see themselves reflected in the people they follow.
003. The peers who offer similar things that you do aren’t competitors—they’re potential collaborators, and this kind of strategic partnering will completely shift the way you experience your business online. Align yourself with leaders who share your values, and share your communities with each other, so you both can grow.
Random tangents that I know people get caught up on: Are Reels essential to Instagram growth? Are hashtags even a thing anymore?
Reels are NOT essential to growth, you can grow just as easily from other post styles, but you have to learn what your audience responds best to and then create in reflection of that.
Engagement is just a reaction, made by a human, and the most critical metric for growth is the “share” button.
So, what styles of content make your people react that way? The more you get people sharing, the more your posts will be seen. It doesn’t matter the medium! I’ve watched accounts grow massively from posting design carousels alone, because that’s what their community resonated with and shared the sh*t out of.
Hashtags are still present on the platform but they don’t “do” anything beyond help categorize content for searches, and now the search engine on Instagram is so powerful that you can have the exact same results from just including important keywords in your caption! So, they don’t hurt, but also aren’t worth stressing about or spending extra time on. If your content is resonant and relevant, it’s going to get seen either way.
For the multi-passionate creatives out there, what is your take on building a cohesive online presence when you have a lot of different interests and feel the pressure to “niche down?”
RESIST THE URGE TO FIT INTO THE BOX. The “random” bits of yourself that don’t feel like they fit? They’re your magic. They’re what’s memorable. Instead of fussing about a niche or making everything “make sense” under one umbrella, realize that you don’t have to be an expert in just one thing, but you have to be a leader in whatever you choose to share. Be specific for each category, too — I call it it a multi-niche approach, where, for example, maybe you are a copywriter who specializes in sales pages, but you also happen to be passionate about shopping for vintage clothes. You have a specialty in both categories which makes your leadership clear!
For those who feel called to start a business or build a community but aren’t yet clear on what they want to offer or create, do you have any advice for discovering their voice, audience, and potential business ideas through the process of showing up and sharing content?
I always joke that if you’re a creator with no product, you’re in the best position, because you don’t have the added pressure of attaching sales to your expression. You just get to be in it. And that’s the best place to build community from, because all you have to do is give.
Even if you don’t know what you want to sell yet, that doesn’t mean you don’t have things to say.
Start with the conversations you want to have, the stories you want to tell, and the impact you want to make. Let that be channeled through your content alone. Lean into what feels most alive for you and don’t be scared to try something different in a few weeks if your inspiration starts to shift. Eventually, you’ll land where you want, so stop trying to force finding the answers for your business and instead, go all-in on your community and you’ll find you end up co-creating something even better together.
How do you set healthy boundaries around social media so it doesn’t consume all your time or headspace? Do you have any personal rituals or practices that help?
The biggest energetic shift to create boundaries around social media is to remember that they are opt-in spaces. Opening your apps, whether it’s to scroll for fun, respond to DMs, or post, should always be a conscious choice.
The minute it starts to feel like a compulsive habit, a “should,” or something you do out of pressure, is when it starts to become a negative experience and get in the way of enjoying our lives outside of it.
Some internal boundaries that can help with this are:
→ WHEN: Are there certain times you find social media feels more or less enjoyable? For me, I never feel good when I open my apps first thing in the morning, so I try to wait a few hours before logging in.
→ WHERE: Are there certain places where social media adds to overwhelm? I know I get overstimulated really easily, so I try not to open my apps when I’m in a busy environment or while the TV is on, for example.
→ WHO: Are there certain people that you want to be fully present with? In my life this looks like not scrolling or posting when I’m spending quality time with friends or family. I’ll take time away from the group to do this if I have to, so that I can be fully focused on either my online community OR my IRL one—not juggling both.
→ WHAT: Are there certain apps specifically that make you feel more stressed, lead to comparison, etc? I notice this happening from time to time with Threads and TikTok, so I create specific boundaries around just those spaces, and will sometimes even use the free version of the OPAL app to block them for a few days just to reset!
There are no hard and fast rules, but pay a lot of attention to how it makes you feel and then consider if there's a boundary that could help protect your energy from that.
What would you say to those who feel shy or uncomfortable showing up on social media or being “front facing?”
If you want to build a community online, you have to be present in it. BUT, baby steps! Folks often think they need to be talking to the camera right away, but that muscle takes a while to build and it’s totally okay if that isn’t something you’re ready for immediately (or ever!).
Start dipping your toes in by posting selfies and sharing videos of you doing things on the screen but not speaking to camera. Give yourself little challenges like “post a picture with my face in it to Stories every day” or “post two Reels that show my face this week.”
Exposure is the only way to get comfortable with it. When I first wanted to start showing up on Stories, I did a 30-day challenge to talk to the camera every day. On the first day, my voice was shaking and it took me nearly 100 attempts to upload it. By the last day, it felt like breathing. Practice! And if it feels scary to practice publicly, I always recommend filming videos just for yourself, then watch them back until you start more confident.
The same goes for having more personal conversations or sharing more of your life—go slow! Maybe it starts as a little list of things you're looking forward to for the weekend, before it becomes a full-blown day-in-the-life vlog.
How do you stay consistent with building your online presence, especially if you’re not seeing the desired engagement or results you’re hoping for?
Engagement is just ONE measure of success and the key to sustaining an online presence is finding other ways to celebrate progress. Instead of looking at the numbers, set goals based on how you want your community to feel.
For example, “I’m having meaningful conversations in the DMs about topics I care about” instead of “5 DMs a day.” And remember: it’s a reciprocal relationship. Whenever I feel disconnected from my community, I place myself in it as a participant. I comment, I start conversations, I put myself out there. That energy always comes back.
Finally, some questions about you! With your upcoming move to Barcelona, are there any shifts you’re anticipating in how you live, work, or approach community and social media?
Omg YES! I’m SO excited. In my experience, culture informs everything about the ways we work + play + create. In terms of how I lead my business, I’ve already been setting it up to have a very flexible and leisure-first schedule, but I’m excited to see how it meshes with life in a new city and I’m prepared to go with the flow and evolve it in whatever way feels best.
Creatively, one of the biggest catalysts in my inspiration is getting out of the house and actually doing stuff, and although that’s possible in any city, I know that the lifestyle in Barcelona really lends itself to that, so I’m excited to see how my content shifts when I’m able to create in response to my environment and experiences even more.
On that same note, given the ease of travel within Europe, I am really looking forward to being able to explore new places and cities more frequently, which I know will have a huge impact on the way I document my life online. One of the mediums I am most excited to expand on is photography. I’ve always loved capturing little lived-in moments, which was a huge part of my expression when we were living in Mexico a few years ago, and so I foresee myself returning to that in Spain, too.
Please tell us what you're currently excited about and how people can stay connected or work with you more closely!
I'd love to connect with anyone who took the time to read this! You can DM me on Instagram if you want to have a personal convo, or follow along with my Substack where I hold tons of valuable discussions around the topics above, and beyond.
The thing that’s lighting me up most in my work right now is my Social Life community. It’s a private online playground that I created to practice the skills of online leadership alongside an incredible group of creative peers, with my direct support + feedback on your content.
The next time doors are opening will be in June, for the July start, so I’m really excited to see what incredible people join us in there.
And one final (very important) reminder:
One thing I always love to remind folks is that marketing and social media is a creative practice, first. When we make that shift mentally and start honoring it like we would our art, it becomes so much easier, more enjoyable, and we can sustain it better because it's something that fills our cup instead of drains us.
Thank you so much for reading this insightful conversation with Xanthe. I’d love to hear what your biggest takeaway was or if it sparked any perspective shifts for you (like it did for me!)
Until next week,
Needed this. Ty!!
This was such a great read and extremely helpful!